


Bitter Tasting Memories

by Princ3sss



Series: Coffeeshop Soundtrack [3]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Christmas Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:47:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princ3sss/pseuds/Princ3sss
Summary: Billy has flashbacks and anxiety attacks about the winter the year before. Also Christmas time.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: Coffeeshop Soundtrack [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568464
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	Bitter Tasting Memories

He hated it. Hated that he showed himself being weak. Hated that he hated himself for being weak. Hated that he still let his father control this much of his life. That he still wasn’t free from the tight grip of his fathers hand. That he still heard the voice drift into his ears. He hated that even now, as an adult living far away, he was still scared of what his father could do. What he would most likely do if he knew what his son was doing in a different city. What he would do if he knew how Billy and Max decided to live their lives after leaving him. 

He knew Max was watching him move around their apartment. Knew she had been ever since he came home from that night with Steve. Knew that she wanted to talk to him. To ask him what had happened. Knew that she was just giving him the space he so desperately needed. He was thankful for that. He didn’t know if he could even tell her. Didn’t know if he was even capable of stringing words together in a way to describe how he was feeling. To describe what he was thinking, remembering. 

Didn’t think he could admit to Max what he was remembering. That he couldn’t get last winter out of his mind. That he couldn’t stop thinking about driving her here to check out the college she now attended. Couldn’t stop thinking about driving her as she talked about the scholarship she won. Driving in the snow for the first time. In the slush and ice. How it was getting dark. How he was probably hitting the gas a little too hard. Going a little too fast. He remembered how the stop light turned red. How the breaks didn’t seem to work. How his car slid into the intersection, car horns blasting around him. Max’s terrified look frozen on her face. He remembered the loud clash of metal on metal. Max’s screams mixing with the car horns. Remembered the snow falling gently onto his windshield, mocking him. 

“Billy? Oh my god Billy!”

He heard Max’s voice cut through the fog. Cut into his mind. He didn’t realize she had come home. Didn’t even realize he was shaking or hyperventilating. He tried to focus on her, on her touch. Tried to dig himself out of his memories. Followed her instructions on how and when to breathe. Let her talk him down from whatever he had gotten himself into. It took a while and when his eyes finally focused he saw hers were watery. 

“Billy what the fuck?” Her voice shook. “What was that?”

“Last winter...”

“You mean... the crash?”

“”Yeah I almost did it again... on my date.”

Instead of replying Max hugged him. It was rough and aggressive like almost everything the two did. For once he didn’t push her off. Didn’t fight her hold. He stayed. Let himself be vulnerable in front of her a second time, a second winter. 

“Billy... Billy...”

The finger continued to poke at his cheek. He groaned and shoved his head under the blanket to escape. His plan didn’t work. The finger turned into a while hand pushing at his shoulder. 

“Billy...”

“Fuck off.” His voice was muffled by the soft blanket. Made it sound less threatening than he liked. 

“Billy... it’s Christmas.” Max and her annoying singsong voice was still there. 

“Max, I’ll gut you.”

“Billy I have your coffee and in one minute I’ll pour it on your head if you don’t get up.” He uncovered part of his face to see she wasn’t joking. There she stood coffee mug in hand, evil smile painted on lips.

“Bitch.”

“Presents.”

Christmas with Max actually wasn’t too bad. It was relaxing once he got past her child like excitement over opening presents. It was actually nice to be included, to be wanted for the holiday. It was way better than previous years with his father. Probably the best holiday he had since his mom left. Max had done her best to decorate their small apartment. To make it actually look nice. He thought it was unnecessary but let her do whatever she wanted. She just wanted to make their place feel like home since they couldn’t afford to send her home. 

“You didn’t have to get me a new computer Billy.”

Max’s voice was soft from where she was curled up on the couch. She was already wearing the hoodie and slippers he had gotten her as well. The laptop sat in its box next to her. Billy knew what she meant. The computer was expensive, way more than three months of their rent. But it was one of the best. It was also built for her to play video games on if she wanted too. He looked at the box and saw the alien head staring back at him. It was an expensive nerdy computer. One that cut deep into his savings. One that Max had talked about for over a year. 

“Whatever, just make sure you use it for school work too and not just games.”

He walked to their small kitchen. Made sure to duck when Max threw a pillow at him. Let his laughter ring around the small place. He was going to try and make a dinner for her. A proper Christmas dinner to make her feel at home. One to remind her that even if it was just the two of them, they were a family. 

Going back to work after Christmas was weird for him. The mall was still packed, still had people crawling all over it. It had been a few days since his last shift. He was one of the lucky barista’s that got four days off around Christmas. So he didn’t have to deal with the crazy last minute shoppers. Didn’t have to deal with how hectic it got. He was lucky enough to relax at home and spend the holiday with Max. To not have to leave his house at all over the course of the four days. The only bad part of his short freedom was he didn’t get to see Steve. Didn’t get to see the floppy haired brunet. Hadn’t seen him since he dropped him off at his car after their date. Hadn’t seen him since he left, shaky hands on the wheel and Steve in his rear view.

Standing behind the counter he tried to catch a glimpse of the brunet. He couldn’t though, couldn’t even really see into the boutique. Since the mall was so crowded he could barely see anything past his coffee shop. With all the moving bodies he couldn’t really focus on anyone’s face. It didn’t help that his anxiety had come back full force. He knew it was stupid to think his anxiety was gone forever just because he and Max had gotten away from his father. Stupid to think that it would never come back. 

“Hey Billy.”

He looked up from the drink he was making to see Max’s friend Jane. She was wearing the sweater Max had gotten her for Christmas. 

“Hey crazy girl, you the one that ordered the double chocolate with whip?”

“Yep!” She smiled brightly at him. “You didn’t come to my party. Max said you were working.”

“I was Janey. You liked your gift?”

“Loved it. I brought yours. I was gonna give it to you at the party but you didn’t show. So here.” 

She placed a small box on the counter. The blue metallic paper sparkled brightly. He picked it up and knew by the look in her eye that she wanted him to open it now. He checked the line and saw there were no drink orders lined up. So he picked up the box and opened it up. Inside of it was an earring. It was more cartoony than he normally liked. A small thing based off off the sandworm from Beetlejuice. 

“My favorite movie. How’d you know that? I didn’t even tell Max.”

“You have the dvd and it’s the only one on all of your streaming services.”

“Nerd.”

“Love you too Billy.” She grabbed her drink, threw him a wave and ran off to join the crowd of people in the mall. He laughed as he watched her blend in with everyone else. She was a cool girl. Better than any friend Max had back home. He was glad they had found each other. Glad Jane had found them and took them in. He picked up the earring and turned it over in his hand. Let a smile grow on his face as he looked at it. He placed it back into the box and went to put the box in his jacket pocket. Knowing he was going to switch it with the one he was wearing once he got home. 

Outside was freezing. He drew his jacket around his body tighter, pulled up the collar. He wished he hadn’t forgotten his hat at home. The snow fell down around him, landing on his hair and exposed ears. He stalked out to his car, trying his best to avoid the people walking around him. He stopped a few feet away from his car. Leaning against his car, shaking from the cold, was Steve. 

“What are you doing?”

“Wa-waiting for you. What.. what took you so long?”

“Closer was late coming in.” Billy walked to the car and motioned for Steve to get inside. He turned the heat up as high as it could go. “Why didn’t you just come inside? It is the mall you didn’t have to come see me.”

“Didn’t want too. Just didn’t want to see anyone else.”

“Why? You get an ugly haircut under that hat?”

Steve frowned and unzipped his jacket. Opening it up he saw the ugliest sweater he had ever seen. Probably the ugliest sweater in the world. He tired hard not to laugh. But he couldn’t hold it in. He started laughing and Steve pushed him lightly. 

“You’re a dick.” Steve pouted and zipped his jacket back up. 

“Where,” Billy stopped to catch his breath. “Where did you get that?”

“My grandmother gave it to me for Christmas. My mom made me wear it at least once before my grandmother leaves town. When I put it on this morning they both got so happy and took me out for the day. I love them but it was kinda embarrassing.”

“So you wanted someone to make you feel better?” Billy smirked. 

“Don’t know why I came to you. You’re mean to me.”

But he didn’t get out of the car. He stayed in, played with the zipper of the jacket. Reached out and turned on the radio. He mumbled something about a milkshake. Billy laughed and drove to the nearest diner with the best milkshakes. Let Steve play whatever music he wanted as they drove. Made sure he drove carefully. Made sure he didn’t go too fast. That he wasn’t to reckless. His memories, the last time Steve was in his car, and his anxiety made him too scared to go too far above the speed limit.

“So I was wondering, can I have your number. Cause like this is the third time we’ve gone out and I have no way to contact you besides being a creep and waiting for you to get off work.” Steve played with his fries, frowning in disgust as Billy dipped his own into his chocolate milkshake. 

“You don’t like playing stalker?” Billy laughed and dug his phone out of his pocket. After unlocking it he handed it over to Steve. “Don’t be a dick and look through it please. I’m kinda trusting you here.”

“I would never.” Steve tried to act all offended before he broke down into giggles. He typed in his number and took a picture to put in for the contact as well. Then he sent himself a text so he had Billy’s number. He took out his own phone and took a picture of Billy, which Billy ruined by sticking his tongue out in. “You’ll actually text me right?”

“Sure I will. 3am no better time to do it.” Steve threw a fry at him which he caught in his mouth with a smile.


End file.
